Dashain After a Decade: Finding Goddess Durga Within Me

This year, after a decade, I celebrated Dashain from a place of peace, harmony, and a deep inner desire to connect with Goddess Durga. As I prepared to receive tika, I could feel her presence within me — her energy

alive in my being. What stood out most was her hair, a symbol of her power, flowing and unapologetic. In that moment, Durga whispered to me to embrace my own divine hair, my own authentic self.

Durga is known for slaying demons, and I, too, have been called to do the same — not in the physical sense, but in the energetic realm. Over the past three years, my world has been shaken again and again, like clothes being beaten on stone in old Indian movies. Each strike stripped away layers of ego, illusions, and identities I once clung to. Facing my shadows has not been easy, but it has brought me a peace that feels deeply liberating.

I realized that the demons we fear outside of us actually live within — in our thoughts.

Thoughts shape our emotions, actions, and ultimately, our reality. Learning to recognize these “thought-demons” has been one of my greatest lessons: from believing I cannot be single and happy, to assuming worst-case scenarios, to treating thoughts as facts. These were demons I had to master. Mastering my thoughts meant mastering my emotions, refusing to let negativity rule me, and being intentional about which thoughts — and which people — I allow into my life. Cutting ties with those whose demons weighed heavily on me was painful, but necessary. That, too, was an act of growth and love.

Yet, as I’ve let go, I have also welcomed beautiful souls into my life. One of them is my cousin Sagar, a divine being with immense empathy and growth. Though we grew up together in Nepal, it wasn’t until now — when I was more connected to myself — that I could truly connect with him. This reminds me that reconnections happen in divine timing, not by force.

Non-attachment has been another sacred lesson. My cats, in particular, were my teachers. Loving them deeply but recognizing that it was in their best interest to let them go taught me that love without possession is possible. Non-attachment comes with sadness, yes, but also peace. Attachment says “I must have this” or “this belongs to me.” Non-attachment says “I love and release.” This lesson extends to relationships, people, even material things. Nothing outside of us is permanent — the only one who remains with us is ourselves.

When we cling, we suffer. When we release, we discover freedom. True peace, I’ve learned, can only be shaken if I allow it. Even if someone were to try to take it from me, it is still mine to guard. That is living from the inside out.

So, this Dashain, I honor the Durga within me — the goddess who slays the demons of fear, doubt, and destructive thought. In her victory, I find stillness, strength, and peace.